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Monthly Archives: February 2010

  1. “Before we order, I’d just like to explain the way I smell this evening.”
  2. “You may be wondering about this strange growth on my mouth.  Hand to god, it’s not a herpe.”
  3. “Hey chief.  CHIEF!!  You’re Cinderella15 on Match?!” (actually overheard)
  4. “Before we kick this thing off, I gotta tell you, my mom needs to talk to you right now.  No, right now.”
  5. (Begins to loudly sing along to the Bon Jovi song playing on the jukebox…)
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Three things Ian should not attempt to do in an extremely crowded Uniqlo while trying to purchase pants for Micah:

1. attempt to wriggle his way into a pair of hipster jeans in the middle of the store

2. argue with the staff over who would win in a folding contest– them, or Jesus

3. offer leering advice to men shopping for tube socks while fondling the argyles