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Monthly Archives: February 2010

  1. “Before we order, I’d just like to explain the way I smell this evening.”
  2. “You may be wondering about this strange growth on my mouth.  Hand to god, it’s not a herpe.”
  3. “Hey chief.  CHIEF!!  You’re Cinderella15 on Match?!” (actually overheard)
  4. “Before we kick this thing off, I gotta tell you, my mom needs to talk to you right now.  No, right now.”
  5. (Begins to loudly sing along to the Bon Jovi song playing on the jukebox…)

Three things Ian should not attempt to do in an extremely crowded Uniqlo while trying to purchase pants for Micah:

1. attempt to wriggle his way into a pair of hipster jeans in the middle of the store

2. argue with the staff over who would win in a folding contest– them, or Jesus

3. offer leering advice to men shopping for tube socks while fondling the argyles