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Hi mom,

Fraught day, today.  I called Amy [last name removed– my mother’s doctor] to ask her to reach out to da.  The initial goa, which I passed by Eric, was to get him both talking, which he hadn’t been, and talking to other people.  There was a point where she asked me whether or not I should let her mention that this was coming from a place of concern, from Eric & I.

Initially, I passed.  Then I said yes.

My hope was that it would foment a stronger conversation between the three of us.

His response was immediate and angry:

“Did you sic her on me?!  WTF?”

Bad scene.

Eric & I both want badly to help him, but find ourselves basically powerless.  He resists at every step.

No idea what to do here, moms.

Becky & I spoke about this for the longest time.  I could never have anticipated the lavel of anger in his reply.  I know (only now) you had a pretty shit time with the shrink that grandma sent you to as a “willful child.”  I assume that was traumatic enough that you resisted sending me that way.

All I can say to you is that my relationship with MY current therapist has been the only thing keeping me upright and moving through everything that’s happened with you.

I just want the same for dad.

Still, it feels like this was a “write you out of the will” level betrayal, in his mind.

Fuck.

I think that’s it for tonight.  If you can think of a way for me to rectify things with him, let me know– knocking on the table, ectoplasm, whatever.

As always, I love you,

Ian

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